Tension
by Mika The Fish
Summary: John gets arrested and thrown into prison. Ianto gets caught up and is thrown in along side him. The two of them bicker endlessly and there is not plot.
1. Chapter 1

Tension

Summary- John is arrested and gets Ianto thrown in prison with him. Don't ask me how, it's one of John's specialties. The two of them are bickering. Fun argument; no plot. :D  
Pairings- John/Ianto Frenemies. Ianto/Jack hinted.  
Setting- After season 2 episode 1.  
Note- I wrote this for fun! This is not my OTP at all. I do like John quite a lot, but I like Ianto x Jack better. Hope you enjoy!

1.

"Eye candy!" Called a voice. "He can help me." Ianto turned around and spotted the one person he never wanted to see again.  
"John." Ianto groaned and ran his fingers through his hair while his other hand was on his hip. The posture immediately said 'I do not want to be doing this right now.'  
John's guard turned around and glared at Ianto. In a gruff voice he demanded, "You know this nimrod?"  
"Nimrod? Humph. You didn't call me that when we were on your bed having amazing- Umph." John said as his eyes widened. "Ouch." The guard smiled as he shook his fist.  
Ianto tried to shuffle away when a voice called.  
"Oi, Eye Candy! You can't just walk away." Ianto suppressed a sigh and ran his hand through his already-messed-up-hair. Ianto debated on whether to just walk away and pretend he didn't know the nimrod or to- His thought process was interrupted by a gruff voice yelling, "Look, either you know 'em or not. Easy decision kid."  
Ianto sighed and said, "Sadly yes. I do know him."  
"Admit it, it was the best day of your life." John smirked. Ianto blushed and rolled his eyes. Suddenly rough hands grabbed Ianto and shoved him into the floor.  
"On your knees." Came the mystery person's voice. Ianto bunched his face into a confused look. He glared up and John and then at his guard.  
The guard gave Ianto a shrug, "Sorry kid, anybody that knows nimrod has to be placed in custody."  
Ianto's eyes became slits and he hissed at John, "See, even knowing you is a danger."  
John winked, "Of course knowing me is dangerous, it's all part of the job. Of course, the sex is even better." John hinted and smirked at the all too obvious blush creeping into Ianto's cheeks.  
"When this is over, I'm so killing you." Ianto threatened.  
"Eh. You have a long wait ahead of you."  
Both guards rolled their eyes and hit their prisoners in the back of the head, knocking both unconscious.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

"Shit!" Ianto yelled as he kicked the heavy metal door.  
"If I'd known that you had that kind of mouth on you, I would have fucked you right then and there." John smirked. Ianto was suddenly in John's face; then he punched him, hard, knocking John over.  
(Break)  
"Where are we?" Ianto asked pulling his head out of his hands.  
"Hmm. Considering there are no cameras and the fact that we are in a heavy-duty metal box that is very small, I'd say that we are in a cell."  
"Great deducing skills Sherlock." Ianto rolled his eyes in exasperation.  
"No, but really. I think we are considered a threat to humanity, so we're locked up. Unsupervised." John raised an eyebrow as an invitation.  
"You're the threat to humanity, not me John. I wish I'd never even met you."  
"Oh, but then you'd miss out on all this handsome." John had a twinkle in his eye. Ianto groaned.  
(Break)  
"You know, I never did get to say but you were my favorite." John said turning to face Ianto.  
"I bet you say that to a lot of people."  
"But do I actually mean it?" Ianto rolled his eyes.  
"I hope not." He grumbled.  
"No, but I'm serious."  
"Oi, you pointed a gun at me."  
"Hey, not every relationship is easy first time round. We have had a few bumps along the road, but hey, bright side is you get to spend some time with me, your dashing prince."  
"Dashing prince? No." Ianto deadpanned.  
"You're no fun." John muttered.  
(Break)  
"I'm hungry." John whined.  
"Shut up." Ianto snapped.  
"I need to pee."  
"Oh god."  
"I'm hungry."  
"JOHN!"  
"I really need to pee."  
A loud groan erupted from Ianto's mouth.  
"I need sex."  
"Look John, I know that you're hungry and need to go pee. Look if I could satisfy one of your needs I would. But I can't. Did you just say you need sex?"  
John grinned like the Cheshire cat from Alice In Wonderland. "Uh-huh. And you just said that you would satisfy one of my needs. And I need this."  
Ianto groaned, "Who needs daily sex?"  
"You'd be surprised Eye Candy."  
(Break)  
"I need stuff to do." John whined.  
"Do whatever you want. Just as long as it's not with me." Ianto said as John started inching forward towards Ianto.  
Ianto turned to face away from John only find himself staring at a wall. Ianto heard loud sounds and moans of pleasure coming from behind him. He thought please don't let it be what I think it is. Ianto slowly turned around to face the horror, and a horror it was indeed. John was busy jerking himself off.  
"Oh god." Ianto screamed as his eyes widened.  
John smirked and then said, "You love this." A loud moan burst through his wet lips. "IANTO!" He screamed through his climax.  
(Break)  
"Do you have a watch?" Ianto asked John. One of John's eyebrows shifted upward. He had heard all about Jack and Ianto's pocket watch fanatics.  
"Not for that." Ianto blushed. "Time."  
"Don't you?" John asked deciding to give the kid a break.  
"If I did, I wouldn't be asking you, now would I?" Ianto said with annoyance in his voice.  
"Relax Eye Candy."  
"I can not relax. I have been locked up in this cell with you for goodness sakes for who knows how long. I'm surprised that I haven't broken down earlier. I need something to do or else I'll go crazy!"  
"I've given you several options."  
"Those options were terrible! They all managed to involve sex."  
"I'm creative, what can I say?"  
"You're only creative in one department."  
"And I'm king in that department and you know it."  
"I do not know it dimwit."  
John just huffed and glared at Ianto before speaking, "You could know it."  
"JOHN!"  
"Okay, okay. Sorry."  
(Break)  
John pressed himself against Ianto to wake him up.  
"Wake up sleepyhead. You know, we could be doing things that are much more amusing than sleeping. But then again you look adorable when you sleep." John purred into Ianto's ear. Ianto smacked John hard in the arm. John winced.  
"What the hell is pressing into me?"  
"Hmm. It appears to be my gun. They didn't search us?"  
"Good, I can shoot myself."  
"Am I really that bad of company?"  
"Yes."  
John shifted uncomfortably.  
"What the hell is that?" Ianto questioned as another feeling of hardness shoved against his thigh. "Please tell me that's your gun."  
"Nope." John replied cheerfully.  
"Ugh. Please tell me this is a dream."  
"Awww you dream about me."  
"Let me rephrase that. Please tell me this is a nightmare."  
"Nope." John said cheerfully again.  
"You're way too cheerful. What did you do to me?"  
"Why do you assume I did anything to you Eye Candy."  
"Because I'm the only person in this box besides you."  
"You'll never find out."  
Ianto groaned in annoyance.  
"Bastard."  
"You love me and you know it." John said with a smug smile.  
"ARGHHHH!" Came tortured Ianto's scream.  
(Break)  
"So what's the deal between you and Jack, Eye Candy?" John asked out of boredom with the smallest hint of curiosity in his voice.  
"We... Dabble."  
"Hah. Between us, we did a lot more than dabble. It was full-blown-"  
"Ah. I don't need to hear that." Ianto interrupted.  
John shrugged. "Your loss."  
"Not really."  
"Have you two done anything yet?"  
Ianto glanced down at his shoes. John raised his eyebrows and gave Ianto a look that said 'Give Uncle John all the juicy details'.  
Ianto abruptly changed the subject. "Why didn't they search us?"  
"I don't know. Maybe they felt no threat when they locked us up with no reason! Or they are idiots. Either way, I am not coming back here again. This reminds me. We are on a different planet and the only way to get here is by this." John dangles is smaller-yet-more-efficient rift manipulator.  
"Or someone is in the wrong place wrong time when the rift opens. By the way, since you have that," Ianto points to the wristband, "Can't we just pop out of here?"  
"As much as I would love to do that. Even mine has to charge up with enough of the rift energy. Speaking of which, huh, two more days to go."  
Ianto rolled his eyes and sighed.  
"You seem to do that a lot." John said glaring at Ianto.  
"You don't say." Ianto replied back dryly.  
"Hey don't get sarcastic with me Eye Candy."  
"It's your fault we are in this predicament in the first place."  
"Oooo, the blame game. I'm great at this. It's your fault we broke up. You're the one who slept with my mother, then my sister, then my brother, and then with my dog." Ianto frowned at the 'with my dog' part.  
"It's your fault that we moved here and now everybody hates me! Oh yea, I'm the wife. Well a pathetic excuse for a husband you are." Ianto decided to cut into John's rant. "John, stop. You're just making a fool of yourself." John sighed.  
"Why are we even in prison, or should I say cube that's annoying the hell out of me?" Ianto asked.  
"Huh? Oh. Well apparently this planet doesn't like me. I don't know what for. I'm very likable. Maybe I slept with the sister of the ruler or I killed the ambassador. Who knows? But whatever I did; well I'm in for it."  
"And I'm paying for it alongside you."  
"Yup."  
(Break)  
"What did you mean by 'Oh and I found Gray?"  
"Jack never told you? Hmm. Nope can't tell you. As much as I want to, spoiler alert."  
(Break)  
"You need help." Ianto said after hearing John rant on and on about all his exes that he's killed, maimed, or put in bodily harm. Which was almost every single one of them.  
"I did. I went to murder rehab, sex rehab, alcohol rehab. The basics and more some."  
"Ugh. Great. Give me the gun, now."  
"Ianto Jones, suicide?!" John raised an eyebrow. "Who would have thought."  
"Oi! I just don't trust you with it."  
"That's..." John rolled his head side to side. "Reasonable. Humph. Jack trained you well. Tell me, did Jack ever give you the lowdown? On what not to do with me?"  
Ianto raised an eyebrow on anticipation and discomfort. John smirked obviously enjoying watching Ianto squirm. "Who says I can trust you?"  
"You can't, but you will. First, never eat what I give you. Even though I was the wife, my cooking skills, disastrous."  
"Do I even want to know how bad?"  
"Nope. Second, never ever turn me down." At this Ianto rolled his eyes.  
"I'm serious. I always get what I want. Either you do it of your own free will or I will drug you."  
"Wonderful."  
"Yup. Third, never trust me with your deepest darkest secrets. I will not hesitate to sell them to the highest bidder."  
"That one I can believe."  
"So you couldn't believe my first rule? Because let me tell you, I'm a terrible chef."  
"Remind me to never have you cook for me."  
"Ooo. So we will meet up again?"  
"Huh?"  
"You just said 'remind me to never have you cook for me', which implies we will meet up again. Perfect, it's a date."  
"No."  
"You just crushed my dream, and you got my hopes up. You're a cruel man Ianto Jones."  
"Why would anybody with a sane mind go out with you?"  
"Because I'm dashing and I've got guns that I'm not afraid to use. Also, you're not the sanest mind around here. You hunt aliens."  
"Well, they're real."  
"Yes, but not many people will believe you."  
Ianto remained silent.  
"Ooo. Silent treatment."  
(Break)  
John swiped his tongue along his lips thinking of ways to get Ianto in bed with him.  
"I don't like the way you're looking at me."  
"Too bad."  
"What are you thinking?"  
"Naughty thoughts. You and me, maybe Jack. Ooo a threesome! Maybe I could get that lovely Toshiko Sato to join us. Foursome."  
"Oi. You have a dirty mind John."  
"Does it send shivers down your spine or maybe does it make you ache for something?" Ianto punched John, hard, knocking him unconscious.  
"Finally." Ianto grinned.  
(Break)  
"Did that make you feel better?"  
"Nope." John scooted closer to Ianto whispering in his ear.  
"I'll make you pay."  
"Is that a promise, sir?" Ianto asked forgetting he was with John not Jack.  
"Ooo. Sir, I like it a lot. What did Jack do to deserve you?" Ianto jerked back slamming into the wall flailing his arms.  
"Too soon?" John asked in one of his rare sympathy moments.  
"Yeah." Ianto panted. Suddenly John's rift manipulator beeped letting John know that it was time to go.  
"And we were just getting somewhere Eye Candy. Got to go." John winked.  
"Wait! You're not just going to leave me here?" Ianto asked with dismay written all over his face.  
"Yep. That's exactly what I'm going to do." Ianto gave John a puppy dog look.  
"Well maybe I could allow this one exception. Just one requirement. One snog then."  
"Oi. No. I'd rather wait here for Jack. He has a rift manipulator."  
"Broken." John sang smugly. Ianto was silent.  
"Just one snog?"  
"NO!"  
"Fine then, stay here and rot for all I care."  
"Fine." Ianto said quietly.  
"What was that Eye Candy?"  
"FINE!"  
"Ooo. GOODY!" John spun himself around to face Ianto. He pushed him up against the wall. They snogged and then vanished. Ianto laughed to himself.  
When they got back, John immediately passed out and Ianto placed him inside a bar and left a twenty and instructions that John to be left alone and not to tell him that Ianto had been there. Ianto smiled and went on his way with the retcon buried inside his pocket.  
**Note**: Ianto had retcon in his mouth and when he kissed John. He passed the retcon by mouth to John when they had snogged.


End file.
